Mapping Union Jack (part 2)

People actually live in London, unlike KL, where most stays outskirts of the city. But both cities share the same problems i.e. parking, traffic congestion and immigrants. In KL, I still can tell which are locals and which are not, but in London, I found that rather impossible. They could look like a black Jamaican-Indian, but in fact, a British-born parking attendant with a Chinese father and a blond English mother (not sure how’s that genetically possible). And somehow, most blacks came from Arsenal, I was told. Perhaps that explains the ratio of black Arsenal supporters against others at the Emirates as high as 27 to 1.

Football, understandably, is a big thing in England. But strangely, I didn’t feel that it is. Perhaps there wasn’t in sight, any hysterical fan in full football-kit, cursing everyone including stray cats, by roadside stalls (or mamak) with 7-storey high screen TV like in KL. In England, football is localized, like beers and pasties (Cornwall pasties my favourite). Londoners alone are divided into at least 4 big clubs. English don’t fancy freezing their nuts out in the cold, so most of those football bashing is done indoor i.e. pubs and sports bars. Intensity of bragging and name-calling correlate directly with beer consumption, and so did the perceived level of beauty of the ladies. This explains why most fights broke out in pub surprisingly were not football related, but due to stupid drunks mistaken the old barrister for Kylie Minogue.

British are paranoids. Well, after the London bombing incident, who can blame them. Although they haven’t got to the extent of raking through your hair and beard for any weapon-of-mass destruction but as I look closely, I noticed a few things. Not even a single area in its “underground” not covered by CCTV. If they could pass a law to make it illegal to pick your nose in public, they could have been very well equipped for it. Leaving your baggage unattended, even more than 2 meters away, is a serious offence. And in “underground”, feel free to be litterbug. No rubbish bin in sight, or in train, but they have cleaners with amazing long-arm device designed to pick up rubbish even in between your crotch. During the last bombing, bombs were dumped in rubbish bin, I was told. Hence, why they all went missing. (to be continued)